Mountain Sound
by gagnslausmanneskja
Summary: Jeff is back from therapy and ready to start a new year at Dalton, but unexpected challenges get in the way. Sequel to Little Talks. Niff/Klaine.
1. Heaven Calling in the Distance

**A/N: **Hello everyone! This is the sequel to my previous story, Little Talks. I suggest you read that story before you attempt to read this one, or else you won't understand any of the references to what has happened previously. This takes place on the Monday following the end of Little Talks, which is the start of the new school year. We're back to Jeff's perspective.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters. The title of the story and chapters are by Of Monsters and Men.

Warning: Some coarse language, it's not too bad. References to self-harm, suicide, and eating disorders.

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Mountain Sound

Chapter 1: Heaven Calling in the Distance

Monday morning dawned bright and early. Jeff rolled out of bed and hit his alarm clock, silencing its constant beeping. He walked over to his dresser and pulled his pants and dress shirt on before wrapping his tie around his neck and sliding his blazer on. Jeff was nervous to go down to breakfast. Sure, he'd eaten with the Warblers every day last year before he was pulled out of school. But now, Jeff knew that every Warbler knew about his problems with eating. Yes, Jeff had gone through therapy and was now no longer skipping meals or restricting food, but he knew that the boys would be watching him to make sure he ate.

But that was probably for the best, Jeff decided as he left his dorm room and began to walk towards the cafeteria. It was good people would be keeping an eye on him now. This way, it would be harder for him to fall into old habits.

Jeff entered the cafeteria and instead of simply grabbing a bottle of water, he moved himself into the food line and grabbed two slices of toast and a scrambled egg. He also grabbed a cup of coffee before moving to sit with the rest of the Warblers. Before he could do more than set his plate and cup down, he was engulfed by strong arms.

"Jeff! How have you been? I've missed you so much, we all have, and you look so much better!"

"Blaine, let him breathe. Jeff, it's nice to have you back." Jeff simply laughed and returned Blaine's hug before pulling back and sitting down next to Blaine. Most of the Warblers were already there, the only people missing people being Wes, who had graduated the previous year, and Nick, who was almost always late to breakfast.

Jeff smiled and began to eat his egg and toast when he saw a scruffy head duck into the cafeteria and move immediately to the Warbler's table. The boy sat down on Blaine's other side.

"Hey Nick," Jeff said. The boy looked over at Jeff and offered a small smile.

"Hey. How are you?"

"Not too bad. No breakfast for you today?" Jeff gestured to the empty space in front of Nick with his right hand, a bit of egg falling off the fork he was holding.

"Nah, I'm not too hungry. Not used to being up this early, I suppose. My body will adjust, I'm sure."

Jeff nodded and continued to eat his meal while Nick initiated a conversation with Sebastian.

The boys continued with their conversations and eating their breakfast. Every now and then, Jeff would see one of the Warblers peek over at him and his plate, clearly making sure he was eating. Though it was slightly annoying, he knew that they honestly just cared about him and he didn't let it bother him. He would need help with this, after all.

After clearing his plate, Jeff stood and put it with the rest of the dirty dishes in the cafeteria and exiting, heading to his first period anatomy class. None of the Warblers shared this class with him, so he sat down next to some boy he didn't know and pulled out his notebook, ready to take notes immediately. However, his professor had other ideas.

"Notebooks away, please. You won't need them. Instead, why don't we just get to know each other. If you'd each just stand in turn and tell us all your name and something about yourself. That way we'll get to know each other. I'll start." The middle aged man introduced himself and gave his credentials before he pointed to a student. It went around the room like this until it was Jeff's turn. He stood and turned to face the majority of the class.

"My name is Jeff Sterling. As for something interesting about me…" Jeff paused, unsure of what to say.

"Aren't you the kid that tried to kill himself?" Jeff stared at the boy he had been sitting by and narrowed his eyes slightly. It was _none_ of this kids business. How dare he bring it up in front of the entire class?

"Yeah, I heard you cut yourself last year and had to be taken out of school for the rest of the year."

"Boys!" The professor's voice was sharp and silence fell immediately. "Jeff," he said hesitantly. But Jeff couldn't handle it. He turned on his heel and quickly left the classroom, not even bothering to pick up his notebooks.

As soon as he was in the hallway and had closed the door behind him, Jeff broke into a run. No one was around, so Jeff just ran until his legs were tired. He ducked into the nearest room, which happened to be a bathroom.

Jeff allowed himself to fall forward against a stall and let the tears run down his face, making no movement to wipe them away. This was the first day of his sophomore year, and it was already hell less than an hour into the first day. God that's pathetic, Jeff thought. I can't even make it an hour without falling apart.

Jeff then realized exactly where he was, and realized that less than a year ago, he had run into this exact bathroom to shove his fingers down his throat. Stop it, he thought while he shook his head. He was past this, he went to therapy for months to learn not to think about such things. But as hard as he tried, Jeff couldn't help but notice how full his stomach felt from the toast and eggs and how simple it would be to remove them from his body.

Jeff sighed and moved to a sink, moving away from the temptation that the stall brought. He was stronger than that. He didn't need to throw up. He instead looked at himself in the mirror hanging over the sink and was surprised to see that he was still crying. He hadn't even noticed. He turned the sink on and cupped his hands, allowing them to fill with cold water. He lowered his face and splashed the water over it, feeling immediately relief.

A buzzing sound and small vibration he felt in his pocket signaled that he received a text message. He quickly dried his hands and took out his phone, reading the message.

_Hey, Trent said he heard from Blaine who heard from some kid named Zach that you ran out of anatomy. What happened? Do you need someone to be with you right now? – N_

It was the first text he received from Nick in close to a year. Jeff looked up and stared at the bathroom stall again, and felt the urge to vomit surge through him. Asking for help isn't weak Jeff, he reminded himself. He glanced back down at his phone.

_I'm in the bathroom near the cafeteria. Can you please come here? – J_

Less than thirty seconds later, he received an answer.

_On my way. – N_

Jeff let out a sigh of relief and stood with his back pressed against a wall, as fall away from the stalls as he possibly could be.

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**A/N: **Tadah! Hopefully you guys enjoy this story :)

Reviews=Love


	2. So I Packed my Things and Ran

**A/N:**Oh my gosh, everyone! Thank you so much for all the story alerts! It really does put a smile on my face. I think this is pretty important chapter; it covers the talk that Nick and Jeff have needed to have for quite some time. This is again from Jeff's perspective.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters. The title of the story and chapters are by Of Monsters and Men.

Warning: No warnings for this chapter.

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Mountain Sound

Chapter 2: So I Packed my Things and Ran

Later that night found Jeff sitting crossed-legged on his bed. When Nick met him in the bathroom, he had returned Jeff's notebooks that he left in his anatomy class. Looking back, Jeff wasn't sure how Nick had gotten his notebooks, but the thought hadn't crossed Jeff's mind earlier that day. The two boys sat in the bathroom and Nick had let Jeff sob into his shoulder without either boy saying a word. They sat there for the entirety of second period, and it wasn't until the bell rang that they stood, still without a word, and made their way to their third period classes.

Jeff hadn't spoken to anyone since leaving the bathroom, though he had seen many of the Warblers glancing at him throughout the day, as well as watching him during lunch to make sure he ate. However, they seemed to respect the fact that Jeff wasn't in the mood to talk yet, and left him alone to get lost in his thoughts.

But now, Jeff craved someone to talk to. He didn't want to be alone, he had spent so much of last year always hiding, and he knew what that did to his mindset. He reached over to his nightstand where his phone was and picked it up before he hesitated, unsure of who he should call. He was spared from deciding when he heard a knock at his door. He rushed out of bed and went to open the door, revealing Nick.

"Hi Jeff, can I possibly come in?" Jeff nodded and pulled the door open more before turning and walking back to his bed, allowing Nick to walk in and the close the door behind him. He walked over to Jeff and hesitated briefly before sitting down and moving to the middle of Jeff's bed while Jeff leaned back against his headboard.

"How have you been? We didn't really get a chance to talk since Friday night, and even then it was just me apologizing. I didn't ask how things have actually been for you. Can we talk about that?"

Jeff nodded and sat up a bit straighter. "What exactly do you want to know? You can ask me anything."

"Alright. Well, can we start at the beginning? What happened when you went to the hospital?"

"Well, I don't really remember anything. I know I saw Blaine for a few seconds in the ambulance, but I think I passed out from blood loss. I remember waking up later in the hospital and trying to sit up, but they had my wrist in handcuffs and chained to the bedframe. There was a guy sitting in the room, and we he saw that I was awake, he told me that I was under 72 hour watch because of the suicide attempt. I looked down at my wrists and saw them covered in gauze, and it suddenly hit me what I'd done. It's like I thought it had just been a bad dream and I was ready to wake up, except I couldn't wake up. Because I had actually done it, Nick. I wish I could just take it back, I really do. I cried so much that first week Nick, and I never cry. But I just felt so terrible for what I'd done, and it's like, I wished that I could have a redo and maybe do it properly that time."

"Jeff…" Nick's voice was soft and wavered, and Jeff looked up in time to see a tear fall from his friend's eye.

"I know, it's awful to say, but I wished it. I knew what was going to happen. I knew my parents were going to have so many talks with me about how broken I was, I knew they'd send me to a therapist, I knew they'd pull me out of Dalton. And I didn't want any of that. I didn't see anything wrong with what I'd been doing. I thought that because it only was hurting me that no one else would be hurt. But I remember your face, Nick. I remember the look in your eyes, and in Blaine's eyes. Both of your eyes held so much _pain_, and I put it there. I could never forgive myself for that, for hurting anyone, let alone my two best friends, like that. And then in the hospital, my parents came in, and they were both crying as well, and I was crying, and it's like I finally realized how much damage I'd done. Except this was the worst I could've done. Because I didn't die. And now my parents had to live with the knowledge that I had failed to kill myself. They had to live knowing that the answer as to why I tried was encased in the body right in front of them, but they'd never get the answer anyway. It would've been better if I died, at least then they wouldn't have gotten their hopes up for an answer, unlike now. And it's killing them that they don't know."

"Jeff, you don't still fell like th-"

"No. No, I don't. I'm not going to try that again, it's just how I felt at the time. I promise Nick, I'm never doing that again."

"Okay. Okay, good. You're too important. But you know what I'm going to ask now."

Jeff sighed. "Yes, I do." He was silent for a minute before he had chosen the right words to say. "I don't know, Nick. I don't think anyone wants to know."

"Please, Jeff. I need to know this." Jeff met Nick's eyes, which were silently begging Jeff for the answer he knew he must give eventually.

"You want to know why I did it? I did it because of you."

"W-what?" Nick sputtered, eyes widening with fear.

"No, I didn't mean – no, Nick. It's not because of what you said or did. Not entirely, at least. No, I started feeling like this long before I went to your room that night. I think that night was just the final straw, the thing that finally pushed me over the edge."

"Then what happened before then?" Jeff could see Nick was internally kicking himself for doing this to Jeff.

"I fell in love, Nick. I fell in love with someone who could never love me back, and it was killing me. I thought that maybe if I made myself 'more perfect' that maybe he'd love me back, or at least give me a chance. It started out so simply. I cut out snacks throughout the day, but then I cut out anything with sugar, then anything with fat, and then I just stopped eating altogether. I thought it would make my body more attractive in his eyes. And it didn't, it seemed to have quite the opposite effect, but that was why I did it. And the self-harm started when it was confirmed that this guy had absolutely no feelings for me. I just felt so horrible, Nick. I felt like I deserved to feel pain. I tried for so long to make myself perfect for him, and it wasn't enough. And I think that, maybe, I wasn't even angry at this guy. I saw that he didn't want me, and in my mind, I thought that I'd never be good enough for anyone and it hurt. But I believed that. I took all the anger and resentment I felt towards him and internalized it. I realized that I wasn't angry at him. I was angry at myself. I thought I wasn't worth it, and all of those feelings and thoughts exploded out of me in the form of cutting."

There was silence for a few minutes, and though Jeff was looking down at his blankets with tears in his eyes, he knew Nick was crying as well.

"Who was it, Jeff?"

"Nick, I –"

"Please," he whispered, raising my head with his hand and forcing me to look him in the eyes.

"Nick."

"Yeah?"

"No, that – my answer."

"Your answ – oh. Jeff…?" Jeff pulled his head out of Nick's hands and shoved it into his knees, stuffing the material of his pants into his mouth in an effort to muffle the sound of the sobs that were about to come out.

"Jeff. Jeff, please, look at me." Jeff did as Nick requested and raised his head slightly, their eyes finally meeting.

"I'm sorry, Nick. I tried to change my feelings, I did, but I couldn't."

"Stop." Jeff immediately stopped talking and Nick looked as though he was looking for words. Jeff knew the feeling; knowing exactly what you want to say, but not knowing the words to say it.

"Jeff. First of all, this changes nothing, okay? I'm not uncomfortable with the fact that you like guys, and it doesn't make me feel awkward to know that you like me. You're still my Jeff, alright?" He waited for Jeff to nod before he continued. "Jeff, you know I love you, and maybe that will turn into more than friendship one day. But I think it's too soon to think about anything like that. I really want more than anything to be your friend again before anything else."

Jeff nodded his head in agreement before he realized what Nick had just told him. "Wait, 'into something more'?"

Nick nodded but said nothing. "Nick, you – you're straight, aren't you? You always told me you were straight."

"Just like you always told me you were straight. And I don't know what I am. Maybe I am gay, because I've had feelings for guys in the past. But right now, can we please focus on being friends? Let me help you Jeff, I want you to get better and our relationship to develop before we talk about something more than that." Jeff nodded yet again and moved forward, taking Nick into his arms and burying his head in Nick's shoulder. Nick embraced him in return and rested his head against the top of Jeff's.

"I've missed you. I was so worried, Jeff."

"I know. And I've missed you too, Nick. I'm sorry I scared you."

"No, don't be, I wasn't looking for an apology. Just please, Jeff, promise me that if you ever start to feel that way again, you'll come to me, or at least go to someone. I can't lose you."

Jeff pushed his head harder against Nick's shoulder and tightened his arms around the other boy. "I promise, Nick."

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**A/N: **I hope you guys liked it! I have plans for the next chapter that I think will work well :)

Reviews=Love


	3. Far Away From All the Trouble

**A/N:**I'm so happy you guys like this story! This switches to Nick's perspective and answers a question that you may have had. There is a lot, and I mean A LOT of dialogue in this chapter, even more than the last chapter. I'll make sure there's less in the upcoming chapters, but I think that after everything that happened, Niff has a lot to talk about and work through.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters. The title of the story and chapters are by Of Monsters and Men.

Warning: Eating disorder, coarse language, and more angst (though that shouldn't surprise anyone).

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Mountain Sound

Chapter 3: Far Away From All the Trouble

"You know this isn't over yet, right?" Jeff eventually asked him. Nick pulled back slightly to look in Jeff's eyes, though he remained in Jeff's arms.

"What do you mean?"

"You're not eating, Nick." Nick lowered his eyes and felt his face go red. He couldn't bring himself to meet Jeff's eyes. "Why, Nick?"

"I didn't think anyone would notice," Nick grumbled.

"You wanted to see if anyone would notice?"

"No! I just meant, I didn't think anyone would. Not this quickly, at least."

"Nick. I've been there, for nearly a year. Of course I'd notice. But you didn't answer my question, which was why did you start doing this?"

"Jeff, I - " Nick swallowed thickly and kept his eyes averted from Jeff's. "There's no way I could possibly rationalize this, especially to you. You've been through this, and I know that no matter what I say you're going to tell me I'm being stupid."

"Nick, didn't you just tell me that you want to be friends? Well, part of friendship is being open and honest with each other. I just told you everything. Please, answer this. Because I need to know this, I have to know if you're okay. I still care about you, you know."

Nick's eyes pricked with hot tears and he felt Jeff's arms tighten around him. He leaned forward and put his head back on Jeff's shoulder and was relieved when he felt Jeff's cheek lower onto Nick's head.

"I wanted to make myself better." Nick's breath ghosted over Jeff's neck and his skin prickled at the feeling.

"What? You think starving yourself is going to make yourself healthier and stronger? Just the opposite, Nick."

"I know, I know," Nick said hastily. "I just.. you starved yourself to make yourself better for me, because in your eyes that was rational."

"You're starving yourself for me?"

"Yes," Nick whispered back. Jeff's eyes filled with tears, his mouth agape in horror.

"Nick! Nick, no, God just please, no. Please stop, Nick, I can't see this happen to you, too. Nick, I love you, please, just eat something, I need you to eat."

"Jeff, I know. Calm down, I know, I know it's wrong and that I have to eat, and I promise you, I will. I know it's wrong. I didn't even start doing it to impress y-anyone. To impress anyone." Nick knew Jeff had noticed his slip up, but he mercifully let it go.

"Why did you start doing it then?" Nick met Jeff's eyes.

"I wanted to see what you went through this. I wanted to know why you did it. And it's hell Jeff. I didn't see the appeal of it at all, but I started to lose weight, and I thought that maybe if I just carried on a little longer I'd lose enough weight. And then I realized that I was willingly doing what happened to you and I panicked, but I didn't want to change my ways, so I just avoided eating with people and ate as little as possible."

Jeff's eyes opened in horror. "Fuck, Nick! No, that's not a reasonable reason to starve yourself? You clearly saw what it did to me, and then you willingly did it to your own body?"

"Yeah, I willingly did it to my own body. I don't care about myself, Jeff." Jeff's eyes narrowed into slits.

"What do you mean, Nick?"

"Fuck, I didn – no, Jeff. I didn't mean I don't care about life. It's just, I don't care if I'm in pain. I don't care if I have to be hungry if it means looking nice. But I guess that's not much better. That's how you felt, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is. But I got help for it. You don't seem like you want help."

"No, I don't," Nick whispered.

"Why, Nick?" Jeff's voice came out as a broken whisper and Nick felt the boy shaking underneath him. It dawned on him that Jeff was crying. This realization sliced Nick to the core and he fell apart in Jeff's arms, allowing tears to run down his voice and onto Jeff's shoulder.

"Because, Jeff. It seems like it's not a problem. I'm only hurting myself, right? And I'm not even hurting myself, because this makes me happy. It lets me know what you went through after I was so awful to you, it gives me an insight into what you felt after I did that. It reminds me that this could so easily have been me when I came out. I'm lucky that the few people I've told have accepted it immediately, but when I fully come out to people, I'm sure they won't all accept me. And maybe if I'm at this point already, I can just stay here instead of getting worse and worse."

"Nick, looked what happened to me. I tried to kill myself. I was broken. I was high out of my mind and had blood pouring out of my body. I can't see that happen to you, it would kill me, Nick. I can't handle that, I really can't. I'm still getting better myself, I'm not strong enough to help someone else yet."

"I know that, Jeff, that's why I'm not asking you for help. I'm going to help you fully recover, and if this hasn't been fixed by then, then I'll ask for help. But let's just focus on you for now, okay? You're more important."

Nick could see that Jeff wanted to argue, but instead he simply nodded his head and Nick nuzzled his cheek against Jeff's neck. There was silence for a few minutes before Nick spoke.

"Jeff? I'm really glad you're alive." Jeff's body softly shook beneath him and Nick wrapped his arms around Jeff's waist. Though Jeff said nothing, Nick swore that he heard a soft, tremulous whisper once Jeff had calmed down.

"Me too."


	4. I Had Caused with my Two Hands

**A/N: **Finally was inspired enough to write more of this. I'm so, so sorry for the wait. I've had zero ideas when it came to this chapter until today. Jeff and Nick's perspective this time, almost entirely Nick's. I wouldn't have even included Jeff's if it weren't for having to follow up with the previous chapter. This is the chapter a lot of you have been waiting for, so I hope I did it justice.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters. The title of the story and chapters are by Of Monsters and Men.

Warning: Some coarse language, self-harm talk.

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Mountain Sound

Chapter 4: I Had Caused with my Two Hands

Jeff woke in the morning slightly cold. He rolled over and tried to move into the heat that had been there all night, but he couldn't find it. He opened his eyes and noticed that his bed was empty except for himself. Nick must have left sometime when Jeff was still asleep. Trying not to be disappointed, Jeff pulled himself out of bed. He felt his joints pop as he stretched and he realized it was only Tuesday morning. Jeff was shocked – it felt as though a week had already passed.

He moved to his dresser and pulled out his clothing before bringing it to the bathroom with him so that he could shower. Showering had become much easier for him now that he had gone through his therapy. He no longer felt the overwhelming urge to hurt himself and he was now able to have razors in his bathroom, and was able to use them, without making a single intentional cut in months. He considered this quite the achievement, not to mention he was happy he could now shave his face without having to wear jeans and long sleeves while doing so.

He made his way down to the cafeteria after checking his hair one last time. He grabbed a plate and put a few pancakes on it before going to sit with his friends. The Warblers were all already there. He took his usual seat next to Nick and across from Blaine. Blaine smiled at him and returned to the conversation. Nick, however, said nothing. He kept his eyes on his food, moving it around his plate instead of eating it.

"Nick," Jeff whispered, quiet enough that no one else heard him. "We talked about this."

"What? Oh, I know. I'm just not hungry, I feel kind of off."

"Nick." Jeff's tone was harsh. "What's wrong? And don't lie to me."

Nick closed his eyes and set his fork down. "I'm gay." He said this sentence at a higher volume, loud enough that he was sure all the guys would hear him. The Warblers all turned to look at him and stared for a moment before smiling.

"About time!"

"Yeah, we pretty much had this figured out."

"We still love you Nicky." Nick blushed at that.

"How long have you known?"

"Is it because of _someone?_" Eyes flashed to Jeff because of that question.

Blaine, however, smiled. "See? I told you they wouldn't care."

"What? You told Blaine before you told us?"

"Yes," Nick replied. "Blaine and Jeff already know."

"Huh. Well, thanks for telling us."

And that was that. They all immediately went back to eating and conversing about the new science teacher. Nick ate his food quickly and was about to stand when he hesitated.

"Guys?" All of them turned to look at Nick.

"Yes?"

"Could you just not… don't say anything about this to anyone else, alright? My parents don't know yet, and I really want to keep it that way."

He saw every head nod. "Of course man, we're not going to out you."

Nick visibly relaxed. "Thanks, I'll see you guys in class."

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The rest of the week passed quickly. No one brought up Nick being gay, and he was grateful for it. But he had noticed one of them acting differently.

Jeff had completely curled in on himself again, and Nick was getting concerned. For this reason, Nick found himself at Jeff's dorm on Friday night. Jeff had already let him in, Nick being there under the guise of needing help with physics.

"Hey, Jeff?" Jeff was sitting crossed legged opposite him on the bed, his tongue stuck between his teeth and his brow furrowed as his pencil scribbled furiously across a paper, trying to work out a difficult math problem. He stopped at once and looked up.

"Yes? Do you not get how to do it?"

"No, no, it's not that. Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Do you not like that I came out?" Jeff's eyes went huge at this question and his face fell in confusion.

"What? Absolutely not, I think it was a great thing to do."

"Okay, I just wanted to check. You didn't seem happy about it and I just…"

"No, I get it. And I did give you reason to think that. It's not that I'm unhappy with you coming out, because I really am proud of you for that." Nick felt his heart swell. "It's just, I can't come out now. At least not for a while."

"What? Why not?"

"Because someone will figure I came out because you came out. They'll think I did it for you and they'll expect us to get together. And you're not ready for that."

"Jeff, don't even worry about them. It doesn't matter what they think. They'll accept you, that's what matters." Jeff nodded at this. "Besides, I never said that," Nick mumbled as an afterthought.

"You never said what?"

"Nothing, let's just go back to physics, I actually don't understand this problem," Nick said as he picked up the book. Jeff's hand landed on it and pushed it back onto the bed.

"No. You never said what?" Nick sighed.

"I never said that I wasn't ready to be with you."

"Wasn't it your suggestion we don't even think about it until our friendship is more stable?"

"Well, yes. But I've thought about it a lot. And I don't want to spend this year unhappy. I want to actually enjoy it and be with someone that I like, and be able to hold his hand down the hall and kiss him and - " Nick stopped talking abruptly when he realized what he said. Jeff's face had gone white. "Shit. Just, shit Jeff, I didn't mean to say that. I'm sorry."

An odd look came over Jeff's face; it was almost curious. "You want to kiss me?"

Nick met his eyes. "Yeah. I do, so badly that it sometimes hurts. But I'm not going to mess this up. I'm happy to wait until you're ready." Jeff nodded at this, the curious look still not leaving his eyes.

* * *

Homework finished, the two decided to watch a movie since it was still early. They settled on Avatar and curled up on the bed. Nick was surprised when Jeff cuddled into his side, but smiled and wrapped an arm around Jeff's shoulders, his other hand finding Jeff's.

They both were tired by the time the movie ended, Jeff so much that he refused to even change out of his uniform. Nick stifled a laughed.

"Come on, Jeff. I'll take care of turning the movie off, you go get changed in the bathroom and I'll change here." Jeff eventually begrudgingly agreed. He picked out his clothes and went to the bathroom to change. Nick turned the laptop they had been watching the movie on off, and changed into clothes Jeff had put out for him earlier. He had begged Nick to stay the night, even offering his own clothes so that Nick didn't have to leave, to which Nick had agreed.

Nick changed quickly and got into bed. He left the light on so that Jeff could see when he came out of the bathroom. He shut his eyes and started to drift, only to snap his eyes open when he heard the bathroom door open.

"Uh, Jeff? It's still like a million degrees in here. Why are you wearing long sleeves?" Jeff made his way over to his clothes hamper and put his dirty uniform in it and shrugged.

"No reason." Nick rolled his eyes at the obvious lie. Jeff turned the overhead light off and crawled into bed. They were both lying on top of all his blankets, and even in the dim light Nick could see Jeff slightly sweating. He wasn't going to say anything until a disturbing thought hit him.

"Um, Jeff?"

"Hm?"

"Please don't take this the wrong way, I really just need to ask you."

"Okay?"

"You're not hurting yourself again, are you?" Nick felt the abrupt movement of the bed signaling Jeff had sat up.

"What? No."

"You're not lying, are you?"

"No, Nick, I swear. Why would you think that?"

"Well, you haven't seemed happy this week, and you're wearing long sleeves now." Jeff shifted uncomfortably.

"I usually don't wear a shirt to bed. But I usually don't have people sleep in my bed with me."

"So this is a body issue?"

Jeff shut his eyes tightly. "Nick, please let this go."

"Not until you tell me."

"I'm wearing a long sleeved shirt so that you don't see my scars."

Silence passed after this confession, the two boys staring at each other. After a few seconds, Nick moved forward and wrapped his arms around Jeff's waist. He pulled him closer and buried his face in Jeff's hair, not saying a word. Nick smiled when he felt Jeff hug him back immediately.

"Jeff? Could I – Can I please see?" He felt Jeff stiffen under his arms and hugged him tighter in response.

"You want to see my scars?"

"Yes," Nick breathed.

Jeff pulled back slightly and searched Nick's eyes for something. He must have found whatever it was, because after he moment, he whispered, "Okay."

He started to move his hand to his wrist to pull up his sleeve, but Nick stopped him. Nick tapped his fingers against Jeff's waist. Jeff hesitated, but eventually nodded and raised his arms above his head. Nick moved the shirt up and over his head. It was too dark to see, so Nick reached behind him and turned on Jeff's lamp that was on his nightstand. The room was bathed in soft light now, so Nick turned his attention back to Jeff. He choked back a whimper when he saw his body. The skin on his chest was beautiful, a creamy porcelain color. But his eyes then focused on the violent, dark, straight lines running across his chest. There was one going straight across his stomach, and Nick nearly cried at the sight of it. There were many lighter scars littered across his chest.

Nick's eyes then traveled to Jeff's arms, where hundreds of small, straight lines littered both of his arms. His wrists were the worst. The scars there were thick and dark, jagged gashes still etched into his skin. Nick now knew why Jeff was self-conscious about this.

Nick then registered that Jeff was sitting there, waiting for his reaction. Nick did the only thing he could think of. He reached down for one of Jeff's arms and raised it to his mouth, kissing every scar he saw, and planting many kisses on his wrist, before moving to his other arm and repeating this process. Nick put his second arm down when he was done and met Jeff's eyes. They were full of wonder and there was a small smile playing on his lips.

He wasn't even thinking, he wasn't even sure if it was him or Jeff or maybe both of them moving in, but then Jeff's lips were pressing against his and he returned the kiss. He wrapped one arm around Jeff's waist and brought the other hand up to cup Jeff's face. Jeff made a small noise into his mouth and Nick gasped in surprise when he felt the tip of Jeff's tongue. Jeff took advantage of this, briefly deepening the kiss before moving back, placing small kisses onto each other's lips.

They move moved back, still within each other's arms, and stared at each other, both of them blushing. Nick tugged on Jeff's arms and gestured to the pillows. Jeff nodded and the two boys lied down. Nick reached out and turned the lamp off before rolling over into Jeff's side. Nick was shocked when he next saw Jeff's face. His eyes were full of light, something he hadn't seen them hold in years. He smiled at this thought and buried his face on into Jeff's neck, a tangle of limbs on the bed below them.

"Goodnight."

* * *

**A/N: **Enjoy loves :) First Niff kiss! Good or bad?

Reviews=Love


	5. Alone, We Traveled

**A/N: **;llk;asjgdslf I am so sorry you guys, it's been forever. HOWEVER! I have been at least slightly productive and went through all my stories, chapter by chapter, and corrected grammatical mistakes and such. So hopefully it should be easier to read now. Please don't hate me? :( Here, have a chapter! Also to everyone who reviewed THANK YOU SO MUCH.

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.

Warning: the usual. Also I'm feeling sort of sadistic (sorry :x) so this is going to take an interesting turn. Also this is so angsty it hurts, I'm so sorry.

* * *

Mountain Sound

Chapter 5: Alone, We Traveled

Nick fell back into consciousness but didn't move, allowing his mind to catch up to his senses. A broken stream of hot air blew over his ear and something incredibly warm was wrapped around his body. Though Nick connected the feelings with the image of Jeff lying next to him, it started to get uncomfortably hot, so he opened his eyes at last. Carefully, and moving slowly, Nick managed to maneuver his way out of Jeff's grasp and out of bed. He stared down at Jeff for a few minutes before he finally turned and left the room

_What are you doing, Nick? Seriously? You just slept in a bed with Jeff. He isn't ready for this. What were you thinking?_

Nick shook his head and continued to make his way to his own dorm to change his clothes. _It was harmless. Nothing happened._

Nick walked into his dorm and changed into some casual, comfortable clothes since they were not required to stay in uniform on the weekends. Nick took his clothes into the bathroom and showered, taking a fairly long, hot shower. He got out of the shower and began to dry himself off with a towel when he caught his reflection in the corner of his eyes.

He turned and faced the mirror and fully looked at himself for the first time in months. _Too much fat, not enough muscle, not toned enough. God, no wonder Jeff isn't ready for you, look at you. No one would want this. _No, no, no. Don't think like this, Nick. Jeff panicked when he you told him you were starving. He thinks you're perfect like this. No, don't do this, don't starve, don't starve, don't…

* * *

Jeff woke up a few hours later, sunlight streaming into his room and hitting his face. Jeff shifted in his blankets, wrapping them around himself tighter. It was slightly chilly in his room, though he thought it had been much warmer last night. He suddenly remembered Nick falling asleep in his bed last night. However, it was painfully obvious that Nick hadn't been here for several hours based on how cold his bed was now. Jeff fought back the tears as he realized that this was the second time Nick had left him alone in his bed.

He pushed himself out of bed and quickly showered and dressed before making his way down to breakfast with the rest of the Warblers. Everyone was there by the time Jeff arrived, so after getting his food he sat down in the only seat left. The Warblers greeted Jeff before going back to the conversation about some party next weekend. Nick sat diagonal to Jeff, and Jeff watched him throughout breakfast, how he pushed his food around and didn't take a single bite. He was also worried about Nick, just something about his posture and how he kept his arms so tightly to his sides and his head drooping. He looked defeated. Jeff wanted to get Nick's attention, but due to the seating arrangements, it was impossible without attracting the attention of the rest of the Warblers. He settled for eating everything on his plate and then, after the discussion ended and everyone stood up to leave, Jeff followed Nick out of the cafeteria.

"Hey, can we talk?" Jeff asked, immediately letting Nick know what he wanted to talk about.

"Oh hey, Jeff. Yeah, sure," Nick replied, moving to the side of the hallway and sitting on a small bench. Jeff sat down next to him and waited for the few straggling Warblers to walk by and catch up with the rest of the boys. The hallway soon cleared and it was just Nick and Jeff in the hall. Jeff turned to face Nick and saw the other boy turn his head slightly, avoiding Jeff's gaze.

"Nick." He received no answer, nor any sign that the boy had heard him. "Nick, please. I'm getting really worried. Not that I wasn't worried before, but now…"

Nick's brow furrowed and he turned to look at Jeff. "What do you mean?"

"Nick, you didn't eat a single bite of food in there. What did you think I meant?"

"No, nothing, just. No, nothing. And I'm sorry, I'm just really not hungry right now."

"Please don't make excuses. We talked about this. You really need to start eating.

Nick let out a sigh. "I know, Jeff. I really do know. Just give me a few days, ok? I actually don't feel too great right now."

It was Jeff's turn to frown. "Are you sick? What's wrong?"

"No. No, I'm not sick. Really, I'll be okay. I'm just a little off."

"You really aren't making me feel any better, Nick. Please talk to me. What's wrong?"

"Leave me alone, Jeff." And with that, Nick stood up and left, presumably to go to his dorm.

_What the hell was that? _Nick was not an angry person. Jeff had _never _seen him get angry. It was so uncharacteristic and, if anything, made Jeff worry about Nick more than ever.

* * *

Nick reached the comfort and security of his room. He pushed the door shut behind him and leaned his back against it, leaning his head back as well. He closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. _That shouldn't have happened. That could've been avoided._

Tears built up behind Nick's closed eyes and leaked out the corners. A sob crawled up his throat and escaped his mouth. After that first sob, every single sob that he had suppressed that past few months all came back all at once and made themselves heard. He cried even harder as he realized he couldn't control his sobbing and sank down to the floor. When he realized the tears weren't going to stop anytime soon, Nick finally pulled his arms away from his sides. He raised his shirt and looked down to rip the bandage off the left side of his stomach. Rows of cuts came into view and Nick sobbed harder, disgusted by what he had done to himself earlier that morning.

He got to his feet and moved to the bathroom, grabbing a razor blade from his shaving razor, which now was destroyed, and lifted it to his stomach. He looked up in the mirror as he held the blade to his stomach. _Do it, Nick. You won't end up like Jeff. Or maybe you will. Either way, no loss._ Nick choked back a sob and nodded. He lowered the razor to his stomach, thick trails of blood running down his stomach with every breaking of his skin.

* * *

**A/N: **That hurt me just as much to write it as it did for you to read it. Ahhh, sorry sorry sorry. And I'll update really soon I promise!


	6. Armed With Nothing But a Shadow

**A/N:** Okay, so I didn't update quickly. I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't even realize it's been so long since I last updated. But I'm on break now, and I'm be on break again in a few weeks for nearly two months, so no excuses this time! I hope you guys like this chapter, and please let me know how I'm doing. Also, I try to get back to everyone who reviews, but sometimes I forget, or someone has their PM disabled, so if I don't get back to you just know that I'm really grateful you took time to review and that I love you for it.

Disclaimer: I'm still a broke ass college student and therefore own nothing but my ramen noodles and my boots. Though I really love my boots.

Warning: same warnings as before, graphic description of an eating disorder.

* * *

Mountain Sound  
Chapter 6: Armed With Nothing But a Shadow

To say that Jeff was concerned was an understatement. He had never been so worried about Nick before. Nick wasn't an angry person, not by any means. So why the hell did he run away? Jeff shook his head and stood, intending to go back to his dorm. Maybe Nick just needed some time to rest. Jeff vowed to himself that if Nick wasn't acting more like himself by tomorrow, he'd confront the boy about it and figure out what made him angry today.

* * *

Nick sat on the floor of his bathroom, knees tucked under his body and hands twisting anxiously in his lap. He took a deep breath to steady himself before curling up in pain, wrapping his arms around his tender stomach. _Stupid, stupid._ Why had he done it to his stomach? Why not his leg? If his shirt rode up and someone saw... No, he shouldn't even be thinking about this. He's not going to do this again, no matter what.

* * *

Dinner was an interesting event that night. It saw the addition of a new member at the table, Warbler Kurt, which distracted everyone from noticing that Jeff wasn't eating anything at all. Neither was Nick. Instead, both boys sat across from each other, arms crossed and glaring at each other while the rest of the Warblers welcomed Kurt. Nick eventually rolled his eyes and stood up, making his way to the food line. Jeff smirked and followed, allowing himself to finally get some food as well. When both of their plates were filled with food, they returned to their table and sat down. Jeff waited for Nick to take the first bite before he allowed himself to eat.

It wasn't long before both of their plates were empty and the noise level escalated as the rest of the Warblers also finished eating. Jeff smiled and leaned across the table, telling Nick, "I'm proud of you. I really am." Nick tried to smile but failed miserably, ending up looking uncomfortable more than anything else. They all stayed in the dining hall for a few more minutes before Nick announced that he was leaving to go get some homework done. The Warblers all complained but allowed him to leave. Nick said goodbyes and welcomed Kurt once more before he left the dining hall.

It was only a few minutes later when the rest of the Warblers decided to leave as well, all of them standing up and sliding in their chairs before leaving. Jeff walked on his own, as he'd normally walk with Nick, who had already left, or Blaine, who was too busy laughing with Kurt a few steps ahead. Jeff smiled, glad that Blaine was with someone who clearly made him happy, those his smile froze a few seconds later. He turned to his right, looking at the closed door that had strange sounds coming from it. He looked back at the Warblers ahead of him, but none of them had noticed that Jeff stopped and had kept walking, so Jeff went into the room on his own.

As soon as he entered the room, the smell of sick assaulted his nose. He immediately gagged at the smell, though he walked over to the stalls to see if he could aid the sick boy in any way. He walked to the last stall, the only one that had a closed door, and toed it open gently, not wanting to scare the person inside, though he immediately froze at what he saw.

There was Nick, his beautiful, lovely Nick, kneeling in front of the toilet with several fingers down his throat. Jeff saw his back shake and heard Nick gag as he quickly pulled his hand out of his mouth before his sick came up and hit the toilet water with an obscene sound and smell. Jeff wanted to throw up at the sight of Nick's fingers covered in vomit and some of it sliding down his chin, but he held himself together as he gathered some toilet paper and wiped Nick's fingers and face off.

Nick jumped at Jeff's touched, having not realized he was there. But he didn't move away, nor did he push Jeff away, which Jeff took as a good sign. Jeff quickly dropped the used toilet paper into the toilet before flushing, pulling Nick up and out of the bathroom and leading him to Jeff's dorm. Once inside, Nick sat down on the bed, though Jeff remained standing in front of his closed door, almost as if he were blocking the only exit in case Nick wanted to leave.

* * *

Nick was terrified by this point, and he sat with his head hung, looking at the ground. Jeff hadn't said a single word yet, and he wasn't sure that he wanted the taller boy to say anything. It wasn't for several more minutes of staring that Jeff's resolve finally broke and Nick heard a sob. His head shot up to see Jeff leaning against his door, both hands covering his face as his body shook and tears leaked through his fingers. Nick's heart broke and he quickly made his way to Jeff, pulling his hands away from his face and embracing the boy in a tight hug. Jeff eagerly returned, resting his head against Nick's shoulder, and every few seconds Nick felt a tear hit his shirt and soak through to his skin. Nick rubbed soothing circles into Jeff's shoulder until the boy calmed down enough to talk.

"I don't know what to do anymore," Jeff said, his voice stuttering around his sobs. Nick pulled back slightly, just enough to look Jeff in the eyes. "I tried to help you, but you don't want my help. I finally get you to eat, but you just puke it back up. What am I supposed to do?" Nick just stared at him, unsure of what to say.

He eventually pulled back from Nick, grabbing his shoulders and staring his straight in the eye. He took a deep breath before saying, "This is out of my hands, Nick. I don't know what to do anymore, and it's killing me to see you go through this. I need to tell someone."

Nick immediately panicked and pulled away. "No! No, Jeff. You don't need to tell anyone. Remember what we promised? You said that we'd focus on you getting better first, and then, _then,_ if I hadn't gotten better, we'd worry about me."

"You're not eating, Nick! You're not eating at all, and when you do you shove your fingers down your throat! I can't sit here and watch you do exactly what I did to myself. I can't stand seeing your bones stick out. I hate thinking that you're going to start hurting yourself like I did." Nick uncomfortably pulled his shirt down. "You're going to talk to someone about this. This has gone on for way too long. I don't care who you tell. Just tell someone who can help. Or I will."

Jeff finished his ultimatum by walking away and moving to his bed, leaving Nick standing with the door no longer blocked. He quickly left, closing the door behind him and sitting down in the hall. It started to dawn on him how bad things had gotten, and saw that he was becoming exactly what Jeff had become the previous year. Terrified at the thought of ending up how Jeff did, Nick quickly ran through a list of people he could tell before settling on one name. He stood up and made his way to the room that person was in, hoping that they would be there. He knocked twice before standing back, and the door soon cracked open, only to be opened fully when Nick gave an uneasy smiled and shuffled his feet.

"Nick?" Blaine asked.


	7. We Fled Far Away

**A/N:** Merry Christmas, all.

Warning: eating disorders, self-harm, suicide

* * *

Mountain Sound  
Chapter 7: We Fled Far Away

"Hey, can I come in?" Nick asked, shuffling his feet uncomfortably. Blaine nodded and opened the door further, allowing Nick into his room. Nick entered, wringing his hands nervously. He didn't know how to tell Blaine this, and it seemed to serious of a topic to just start discussing.

"What's up? You seem really nervous," Blaine observed while sitting down cross-legged on his bed. Nick nodded and moved to sit next to Blaine.

"Do you remember last year? How Jeff was going through all of those things and none of us really knew, and we couldn't help him?" Blaine nodded, his eyes squinting in confusion, though he said nothing. "What if there was a chance to go back. If you knew that there was something was wrong. How would you help?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I don't, I guess I'm just wondering what would help someone in that situation." Blaine seemed to considering answering for a few minutes before he finally responded.

"Well, I don't know exactly what I'd say. I guess I would just tell him that I was there for him and constantly remind him that I'm here to talk to. I'd tell him that he deserves to be taken care of, and that no one, including himself, should hurt him because he's better than that. He deserves more. He's a good person. I guess just be there for him, and be able to make the difficult decision if someone of a higher power would need to know."

Nick took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. "Blaine -"

"Jeff is okay, right? He's not doing this stuff anymore? Because I've been watching him eat at every meal and he's been eating fine."

"Yeah, Jeff's fine."

Blaine looked over at Nick, though Nick refused to meet his gaze. "So where is this coming from?"

"That thing about eating that Jeff went through last year," Nick began. "I'm going through that now."

Blaine was silent for several minutes and neither boy moved.

"Is that why you never eat at meals anymore? Because I've noticed that. I never said anything, I thought maybe you were just sick or stressed or something, but I noticed."

"Yeah, that's why."

"Have you talked to Jeff about this? I mean, I'm glad you're here, I'm glad you told me, but Jeff could probably understand more than I can."

"He knows. He's been trying to help, but I keep refusing it or messing up. He told me I needed to tell someone else. That's why I came here. I trust you."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do. If Jeff wasn't able to help you after going through the same thing, I'm not sure there's much I can do to help, either."

"I'm not asking for you to help. Or maybe I am. I don't know. I just wanted someone to know."

"I'll keep an eye on you. If I feel like you're getting worse, or not getting any better, I'm going to have to tell someone who can help."

Nick nodded. That seemed fair enough.

"And you can always talk to me. Or Jeff. Or any of the Warblers. Or anyone, we'll all listen to you and do what we can, okay? We don't want to see you do what Jeff did." Nick shivered at the idea that Blaine was concerned he was going to attempt suicide.

"Alright, thanks Blaine." Nick stood and went to leave, but a hand on his wrist tugged him back. He turned around and found himself being encased in a hug. He hadn't been hugged in so long, and it felt nice.

"You're really skinny, Nick," Blaine whispered.

Nick swallowed the lump in his throat. "I know. But I'm going to work on fixing that." Blaine nodded and released Nick. He gave him a small smile. Nick returned it before turning to leave.

* * *

Nick somehow managed to make it to his dorm before collapsing in a fit of tears.

He loosened his tie, pulling it off, his blazer quickly following. He made his way into his bathroom and shut the door, untucking his shirt as he did so and pulling that off as well. He grabbed the small razor that he kept on his sink. Why bother putting it away when no one was going to notice anyway? No one would care.

He looked down, trying to decide where he could cut. He ran out of room quickly on his stomach, and decided to move on to his arms. He brought the razor down to his arm and made a long gash across his wrist. Blood poured out of the wound and ran down his wrist and landed on his pants and the floor, where it created a small pool.

It still wasn't enough. He needed more: more feeling, more pain, more anything to keep him sane. He brought the razor down again and made a long slit from right below the first wound up to his elbow. It wasn't as deep as the gash on his wrist, but blood still beaded in the wound and began to run in small rivers down his arm. He let out a sigh of relief at the pain and dropped the razor on the sink, telling himself he'd clean it up in the morning. He stuck a bandage on the wounds after quickly cleaning them and pulled his shirt back on. It was getting dark by this point, so Nick decided to call it a night. He'd tell Jeff that he talked to Blaine tomorrow.

But he tossed and turned for hours, unable to fall asleep. Thoughts kept running through his head that honestly scared him. He didn't want Jeff to be worried about him. He didn't want Blaine keeping an eye on him. He didn't want Blaine to tell anyone about what he was doing, because if he did that, they would surely find out about his self-harm. He couldn't risk that. But the thoughts in his head kept swirling.

He couldn't continue to hide what he was doing, and he knew that. Jeff and Blaine would notice, especially now that they knew to look. And he couldn't eat and keep down every meal without getting fat. That was inexcusable. But there was a way to make sure that they never noticed anything. That would allow him to never have to eat another meal again. To ensure that he wouldn't have to hide his self-harm any longer.

He quietly got out of bed and went to the bathroom, grabbing a small bottle of sleeping pills. He looked inside and noted that the bottle was nearly full. That was more than enough. He left the bathroom, turning the light off as he left. It was nearly completely dark in his room, the only noticeable light coming from his clock, which informed him that it was about two am.

He sat down with his back to the wall and put the bottle of pills down in front of him. He lifted his legs to under his head and leaned his chin down on them and simply stared at the bottle.

It would be easy, oh so easy, to simply take them. It would be painless, there would be no struggle, it would be clean. It would be perfect.


	8. Hold Your Horses Now

**A/N: **hahahaha I'm such a horrible person I'm so sorry. I really did mean to update sooner, but you know, life.

Warnings: none really, just discussion of trigger-able topics.

* * *

Mountain Sound

Chapter 8: Hold Your Horses Now

He didn't know how long he had been sitting there, knees pulled up under his chin, just staring at the bottle in front of him. The harmless little bottle that held the pills he wanted to swallow so badly. He heard a muffled buzzing coming from somewhere and lifted his eyes just enough to see his phone light up in his blazer pocket, which was swung over the back of his chair. He didn't want to go answer the phone. He didn't care enough to talk to anyone, and he could just say that he had fallen asleep. He lowered his eyes and was once against lost in thought about the consequences of his actions. The muffled vibrations continued at an increasing pace, but Nick continued to ignore his phone.  
After his phone had stopped receiving texts for a considerable amount of time, he heard heavy footsteps coming down the hallway outside and stopping at his door. The person knocked on his door.

"Nick?" It was Blaine. "Nick, please let me in. Please, it's important."

Nick didn't move. He didn't want to face Blaine and whatever news he wanted to share at this hour. He heard Blaine walk away. Nick soon realized that this was the first time he intentionally avoided his friends so that he didn't have to deal with how much of a fuck-up he was. The thought brought tears to his eyes and he lowered his head into his knees. The knocking returned to his door.

"Nick? Can I come in?" The voice was soft this time, and Nick immediately identified it as Jeff. He cried even harder now that Jeff was worried about him as well. He never wanted this. He didn't want his friends worrying about him, especially Jeff. He had been through enough, he shouldn't have to deal with Nick's problems as well. And Nick didn't even have problems! He had to reason to be upset; no family problems, no friendship problems, nothing.

_You're just pathetic._

"I know," he said out loud. He voice cracked from disuse and the sound scratched his throat.

"Nick? Did you just say something? Please let me in, please?" Jeff pleaded. Nick looked over to the door and saw a shadow and fabric bunched up near the bottom of the door. Jeff was sitting right there. Nick's heart broke when he thought that there was a chance that Jeff wouldn't have been able to be there: he could've died last year. Nick's heart felt heavy at that thought that Jeff could be gone. He looked down at the bottle of pills and felt his stomach clench. He cried out in pain, wrapping his hands around his stomach and leaning forward.

"Nick?"

Nick thought of Jeff finding his body in a pool of blood in his bathroom, or maybe his cold body still wrapped up in bed, having drifted off while he slept. Tears leaked from his eyes as he fueled his thoughts. That couldn't happen, it couldn't. Nick quickly grabbed the pills and stood up. His knees cracked as he did and his back was sore when he stood up straight, but he kept walking. He dropped the bottle of pills near his sink in the bathroom before walking to the hallway door. Before he could second guess his decision, he abruptly opened it, causing Jeff to momentarily lose his balance, as he had been leaning against it.

"Nick! You're up, I knew you were, Blaine said that you talk-" Jeff cut himself off after he stood up and looked at Nick's face. "Nicky?" His voice was soft now, like he was frightened about what was going on. "What's wrong?" Nick's body shook as a few sobs he tried to keep down erupted. "Nick, no, please don't cry." Jeff moved forward and hugged him, pushing the two of them into Nick's room and closing the door behind them. Jeff walked Nick over to the bed and sat him down before sitting next to him on the bed. "What's going on?" Nick took a few deep breaths to calm himself before answering.

"It's just, everything is so wrong," Nick began. He took another breath before standing up. Pacing always helped him talk. "And nothing should be wrong. You shouldn't be worrying about me. Neither should Blaine. None of you. Nothing should be wrong with me. Why is there so much fucking wrong with me?" At this Nick paused his pacing to lean against a wall opposite his bed. Jeff stared at him with his mouth slightly agape, not having expected this from Nick.

"What are you talking about?" Jeff's voice wavered, and Nick could actually see the fear in his eyes.

"I'm such a mistake," Nick whispered and hung his head. "I've messed everything up. This was never supposed to happen. This year was supposed to be about being there for you and being the support that you need. This shouldn't have turned into a pity party for me."

"That's what you think this is? Nick, a pity party isn't starving yourself for weeks on end and trying to hide it from all your friends. You're sick, just like I was. And that's okay. You can't blame yourself for doing it, but you can get better. And we want to help you get better, that's why we're so worried." Jeff paused to allow Nick to speak more, but he didn't. Jeff filled the silence by moving from the bed to Nick's desk chair. He flicked on the light on Nick's desk, casting a small amount of light in the dark room. He then sat on the chair backwards and leaned his arms on it, resting his head on his arms. "There's something else isn't there?" Jeff asked, his eyes taking in Nick's body language.

Nick slowly made eye contact with him. "I'm not okay."

Jeff stared back at him. "I know, Nick. But it's okay, we're going to help you."

"No, I meant. I'm not okay," Nick admitted, looking away from Jeff, looking anywhere else he could. The resulting silence was unnerving to him.  
"What did you do?" Nick continued to look away. Jeff got up from the chair and walked over to Nick, stopping in front of him and resting a hand on his shoulder. "Nick, what did you do?"

"I'm cutting," Nick said, and a few more sobs escaped. Jeff's face fell into horror and tears filled his eyes.

"Oh God. That's why you've been acting so weird and fidgeting with your shirt, isn't it. Fuck, Nick. Why would you do this? I was so worried you were going to, I even told you I was worried you might start cutting. But you didn't say anything! You had already started cutting and you didn't tell me then, did you?" Nick allowed more tears to run down his face. Jeff was right. He was always right.  
"I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"Show me," Jeff demanded. And ever so slowly, Nick complied. He moved his hands down to take his shirt off and Jeff removed his hand from Nick's shoulder. Nick pulled his shirt off and Jeff's face crumpled in sadness when he saw the cuts up and down Nick's stomach as well as his arms. "Fuck." Jeff leaned forward against Nick and hugged him. Nick immediately hugged back, craving contact with another person. "I hate this. I really fucking hate this, you know? I can't stand you doing this."

"I know. I'm sorry, I'm going to try to stop, I promise." Jeff nodded against his neck and Nick felt Jeff's hot tears hit his bare shoulder. "Jeff," Nick started before pausing.

"What?" Jeff pulled back and stared him in the eyes.

"I want to die."

Jeff froze, his arms still around Nick. They stayed that way for several minutes before Jeff seemed to have made up his mind. "Put a shirt on." His voice cracked. Nick did as he was told while Jeff pulled his phone out and started frantically texting. Nick pulled the shirt on and waited for Jeff to finish. "Get your room key." Nick grabbed it and stuffed it in his pajama pants' pocket. "Come on, let's go," Jeff said, turning the desk lamp off being they left, the door swinging closed behind them.


End file.
